I miss my boys!

Due to unfortunate circumstances, I am (for the first time in quite a while) by myself! Denny was very brave, and took Alex to KC to visit family from Saturday morning through this coming Tuesday. So, for three days now I have been completely by myself. This may sound fun, but I have discovered that there is only so much re-discovering of one's self I can do. I have listened my music on the computer very loudly, without worry that my little one will wake up early from his nap. I have done some major spring cleaning, including the baseboards and the blinds (which I despise doing) without interruption. I also saw a chick-flick, ate sushi, and drank a martini with a girlfriend of mine. All of these things I haven't done since before I was restricted to bed rest many months ago. Tomorrow, I might try to meet up with a friend for lunch and a pedicure. I'm also busy trying to get ready for school that starts on the 23rd, so I'm doing my best to finish up with work. All of these things are keeping me very busy to say the least. However, they just aren't diminishing the fact that the two things I love the most in the world are missing. My heart aches to be with them. I love them more than I even knew possible, and I miss them so very much.

I have come to the conclusion that my life is not complete without them. I have also come to the conclusion that "me" time is very important because it reminds me just how lucky I am to have the two of them in my life. I now realize that when dealing with all the mundane tasks of life, sometimes the real meaning of it all can get lost along the way. This time to myself has reminded me that none of it matters unless I have my loving, wonderful husband and my handsome baby boy to share it with. I love you both very much, and I am extremely blessed to have you in my life!

Not sure what the title should be, so I'm not going to name it.

Last week was the first time in his almost 7 months that I left my little boy in the care of someone other than his father. For those of you that don't know, I was accepted to an accelerated Nursing program and will be starting class on March 23. I am super excited to finally be able to finish what I started several years ago, but at the same time super sad to have to leave my precious baby. Let me be clear, I enjoy being home with him. In fact, I LOVE being home with him. I was blessed to be able to work and bring in income, but without having to pay the enourmous cost of day care. Now, let me also say that now that I know that Alex is in very good hands (he is being rediculously spoiled) I have had time to reflect on what I did not like about being a work-at-home mom, and they are as follows.

1. There is never enough time in the day to devote to work. I work around Alex's nap schedule and let's just say napping is not a skill that he possesses.

2. Because I never have enough time to devote to work, I always feel like I'm playing catch up. This is not a feeling I enjoy.

3. Somehow, although he says he doesn't think so, I believe that Denny thinks that working from home means that I am eating bon-bons all day, doing absolutely nothing.

4. I have all the responsibilities of a (outside of the home) job on top of all of the housework, etc. This is what irks me the most. Sometimes after juggling the full time care of a 7 month old and doing the cleaning and the laundry in between work phone calls, cooking dinner just isn't possible for me. Working mom's know this feeling quite well.

5. Some days I don't even have time to take a shower. When I get up with Alex at 7am he may or may not take a nap at 9am, and most of the time I've already had 3-4 work phone calls that I've had to ignore because Alex is awake and can be very noisy. Let's just say that the person on the other end of the phone line is NOT supposed to know that I work from home. So, if I'm lucky and he goes down for his nap I immediately get to work and (most of the time) work till he wakes up. Hence, no time for a shower. Gross! Now, there are some that would say just get up earlier. However, those people don't know that I was finally diagnosed with Hypothyroidism. I was literally a walking zombie for 4 months, no thanks to my Gynocologist that ignored me when I told her that something was horribly wrong. She, like many others, wrote it off as new baby syndrome. This getting up earlier concept might actually be a possibility now that I've returned to the land of the living with the miracle that is Thyroid hormone in a convenient little pill!

There! I've been able to get all of my frustrations off my chest and I really do feel better. Can you tell I've had a bad day? Please know that even with all of the frustration that came with it, these last seven months have been absolutely amazing. I have had the wonderful experience of being the first person that Alex sees in the morning and the last person he sees at night. He is my heart and soul, and the love that I have for him is the most intense love I've ever known. I truly don't even remember what life was like before him, and I don't really care to. That is why going back to school full time, although it will be a good thing for all of us in the long run, is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. I know that all moms that work outside the home go through this, and now I truly have an understanding of the many sacrifices my mother made for me as a single parent. So, thank you mom! I appreciate everything that you did to make sure I had a roof over my head, and food in my belly. You are an amazing woman, and I couldn't have asked for a better mom than you. I'm so blessed to have you in my life and that God chose me to be your daughter. I would truly be lost without you. You are my best friend!

I hope you have an awesome birthday (wish I could be there) and I love you very much!

This picture is horribly dark, but I just love those cheeks! :-)